i've got to delete my archives, i swear to god... more and more people are coming to my diary looking for porn. and it's for fucked up shit too. i could understand if i was you know, taking about getting fat wads of sperm blasted on my face (i bet that's gonna be searched for tomorrow), but i'm not.. it's just me being descriptive with words strewn all across different entries...

seriously, someone found me looking for mastrubating taiwan boys... when the fuck have i ever talked about flat out mastrubating taiwaneese children?

speaking of swearing to god, i'm glad i don't have any religious zealots reading my diary... and if they do, they keep quiet about it.

unlike here. now i've been suckered into looking at this chick's diary twice because 1)she had lyrics to tears for fears' pale shelter on one banner... and boy was i pissed off when i came to that pile of crap afterwards... then yesterday (incident 2) i came across some clever banner and was again swindled into giving her diary a click. my question is... why does her diary suck so fucking hard if she has such interesting banners, and why do people hate my banners so much(outside of me telling everyone to kill themselves, or that they're morons or something... my banners aren't very nice are they?)

but i left her a comment describing how for the second time i was tricked into seeing her crappy page (but i was a little nicer about it and didn't use the word crappy) and i notice that being that she wrote some entry on hell, she all of a sudden had dumbass christian kids going on about how jesus saves by grace, believe and god and you'll escape the fires of hell, YAK YAK YAK!

i'm now going to explain a few things... one of which is why i'm glad i don't get this type of shit. secondly, why these dipshits leaving her comments like that are in fact dipshits, and they're destroying their own religion more than any satanist/ athiest/ agnostic "scum" could ever dream to. and thirdly, i'm going to give my opinion on the state of religion and why i believe i've got it right as far as this whole god thing goes, but of course none of us can really be deemed "right" persay untill we're dead.... and then it's all "hey, cool afterlife." or "oops, looks like i fucked that one up didn't i?"

first of all... yes, i'm very very very happy i don't get these morons leaving me notes about how christ can save me and how i need to open my heart to him... why? because it's annoying, and shit like that will NEVER WORK! think about it dumbasses, is that how someone made you see the light of going to youth group pizza blasts and sitting around in church for hours daydreaming about all those christian boys (and just because you make me cum doesn't make you god). actually, i would almost live for something like that now so i could tell you what fucking morons you are.

and this is why you're morons... for one thing, everything you say is the same regurgitated crap that the last asshole who thought they were a missionary said. i swear it's like an automated jesus service where it says one of 4 sayings if you give buddy christ a handshake or something. it's always

if you accept jesus into your heart he'll give you faith

i don't have to proove that god exists, i know he lives in me.

you just have to have faith in god and all things will work out

basically shit along those lines. why don't you guys get a new line instead of something your fucking youth pastor spit out at you that you spread around everywhere like it's the only thing that was ever written in the bible. no one will ever respond to these comments of yours with anything but frustration and calling you a stupid moron because that's exactly what you are for saying it in the first place. for once i'd like a christian to make a convincing argument, and maybe mr. buddist/ athiest/ hindu/ muslim will come around to your way of thinking. if you people weren't so stupid, god would actually get his word spread. it's like when you're doing communion you're taking fucking stupid pills or something.

just people, for the love of your christ, think. use the brain that god supposedly gave you, and fucking think about your arguments. question where your faith is grounded. don't question if you have faith, but intelligently think about why you believe in god so much in the first place. i swear that every other non-monotheistic hebrew god based religion is so much more instilled in their faith. i don't even worship god, but i have a closer walk with him than most of you do. it seems like you just said some prayer and all of a sudden you're going to heaven. guess what buddy, it doesn't work that way. this is why christians are shooting themselves in the foot, and people are starting to become hostile to everything they say. because the church is basically destroying itself and it's sad. i don't know how it used to be, but it seems churches are too busy figuring out how to get asses in their pues and not thinking about their spiritual stance. i know where i stand on my beliefs, but it appears that all these preachers out there are so used to going through the motions of saying a sermon sunday, and then they go home and have extra-marital affairs and are completely hypocritical underneath it all. how can you be a servant of god and still act like what you're preaching against. this is what's shooting your religion in the foot, and yet nothing happens, there's no redemption, there's no salvation from this mess you're making for yourself, and even if there is, you don't take it, and you just keep perpetuating this shit. wake the fuck up dumbass! you're sullying the name of god by behaving like this. either be true or don't be, all people are a testament for their faith, and your actions determine people's opinion of the whole. it's a sad state of affairs, but people look to people, they don't look to god. this is why i stopped going to church. for one thing, i don't need some asshole telling me how to walk my spiritual path, especially a hypocritical one. also, the people there where so fake and full of bullshit. i prefer not to surround myself people who're fake, and that's why churches aren't my thing. these are peopel looking for answers in a man spitting words from a book. no one's looking for answers in god, where the answers actually are. if they wanted to find the answers from god, there would be no need to assemble in church, but people need to latch onto something tnagable... hence why by going to church you're defeating that whole purpose of faith, you know and believeing in god even though you can't see him... people want a leader, because they're too weak to lead themselves, and thus they look to a figurehead to channel god, and hopefully that'll be good enough for them to get into heaven.

first of all, a man behind a podium doesn't decide your fate, you do. god's not going to judge you on the merits of your pastor, he's going to judge YOU, so maybe YOU should be having the strong spiritual walk with him and stop putting faith in a flawed human being that has no power to save you.

what everyone needs to do is go into themselves, find what they really want out of a higher being, or even if they want a higher being, and stop believing in something because you're going to fear going to hell. you should be using god as a tool to better your life. have god work through you to help you expand your mind, unlock things within yourself and let god help you better understand the world around you. get off this kick of being all "well you have to believe in god or you're going to hell" that's not the point of god dumbass. god isn't here to punish you 24/7 if you slip up a little bit, god is here to make you a better person by spiritual realization, and enlightening yourself. stop using god's wrath as a fucking scare tactic and use god's love as an invitation to the inner peace and contentment the world is looking for.

also... fyi... as far as the "a god of love wouldn't send someone to hell", or "if god is so loving why does my life suck?" listen up dipshit. for one, your life sucks for one of 2 reasons, and the second reason ties into the first. either one) your parents where dipshits and shouldn't have had you at all. or two) you refuse to change your station in life and you're too fucking weak to make that change. good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people because a)bad people always gt theirs in the end, and b)there's no such thing as a good person. if it's one thing i've learned is that all good people are the most secretly fucked up. so if anything, there's a skeleton in their closet that's really bad that they constantly keep getting fucked for. there's no such thing as a pure soul. and yes god would send you to hell. you know why? because if you're not willing to belive or accept him, why should he let you spend eternity with him? i don't hang out with people who despise me, or refuse to admit i exist, so BAM burn forever mother fucker! i don't think god sending people to hell, despite how good they are on earth, all that unfair. it makes perfect sense to me. it just doesn't make sense to people who don't wanna go there or don't want to believe there's a hell to go there. face it, if you believe in a heaven, there has to be a yang to its yin. much like satan defines god, limp bizkit's suckiness defines all that is good in music, and death defines life, everything needs an opposite, everything has a lightside and darkside. all things that are love, beauty and compassion have jealousy, ugliness, and scorn.

note: i am not knocking people with opposing beliefs, especially those who do not believe in a god... this is more of a tutorial for those that believe in god than anything, and how they should go about things instead of writing halfcocked "faith arguments" and enraging those of us that are a bit too smart to be suckered in by church talk bullshit.

i can understand why a human wont believe in god. the world is a fucking cesspool of human waste. why would god create a world that would end up like this? i've often wondered why god even created us in the first place. he had angles to keep him company. did he just want to toy with us or something? why are we even put on earth if a)we're just going to die and b)if god already has countless leigons of angles to worship and serve him, then why does he need us? why create this earth if he's just going to destroy it later? especially since the time this earth is going to be around is such a tiny fraction of time compared to eternity, and why is god's attention solely on us? why go through the grief and all that shit? and on top of that, why can't we question god about his motives? these all make good points for atheism, and i can fully understand why you would come to your conclusion of the non-existence of god.

as for myself, personally, i went with nhilism. believe in nothing at all. in my times i've spent on drugs, i've more along the lines come to kind of a clarity that none of this shit is real. the only realisim is that we're all connected together trading neurosignals with each other. not like in the matrix or anything like that, but then again if we were in the matrix, the movie the matrix would never have been allowed to be made... and i'd be able to fly by now motherfucker. but who's to say that this isn't some kind of cosmic dream. there's too many philisophical explinations ofr everything givin the complexity of life, it's easier for me to believe that this world is nothing.

the only thing in this world i don't understand, is satanism. it's basically humanism/ nhilism with ritual sacrafice and shit like that. i much prefer my life without needing an alter and candles to worship my own mind thank you very much. seriously satanism... what the fuck? talk about a huge waste of time. and dude, anton lavey had some great ideas and such as far as the human mind goes, but he was a concieted dipshit as far as all other lines of life go. i aslo don't quite understand the point of wicca. it just seems like too much work when it comes down to casting spells and the like. granted everyone tells me it's really not, looking for the remote control to turn on the tv is too much work for me spiritually, if you think i'm going to light candles, meditate and ask pan to get me more chicks, you're off your rocker. also, don't you think diana has better things to do than help you appreciate nature a little more? she's a fucking goddess, let her get back to doing god-like things instead of bothering her with your petty little life. of course i know it goes deeper than that... and yes i know my girlfriend is wiccan, but seriously, everyone i've ever known who's claimed their wiccan, never really does anything very wiccan-like. it seems like they're always on perma-sabbatical while i meet them. it almost makes one wonder if being a wiccan is little more than wearing a pentacle and likeing stinky herbs.

mind you, this is all being said in a humerous matter, so if you can't take a joke, don't flood my guestbook about how being a witch is blah, blah and blah (especially you kathryn)... and FYI it's a scientific fact that if you're female, the more into wicca you are the fatter you get. just to let you know.

so what have we learned today kids?

stop labelling yourself by your belife structure and find your own fucking spiritual path. you don't need to be a buddist/hindu/indian chief/satanist/wiccan/pagan/agnostic/catholic/what the fuck ever to have a spiritual walk. i'm not saying it isn't viable for you to choose one of the major or not so major religions, i'm just saying if you choose one, make sure it's because it's actually filling your spirit instead of just being a label. it's unnessecary to keep the price tag on a new t-shirt when you buy it, so it's unnessecary to keep a tag on what you believe.

JUST FREE YOUR FUCKING MIND AND THINK FOR YOURSELVES!

thank you

-excelsior-